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Bono at 2007 NAACP Awards

“To those in the church who still sit in judgment on the AIDS emergency, let me climb into the pulpit for just one moment. Whatever thoughts we have about God, who He is or even if God exists, most will agree that God has a special place for the poor. The poor are where God lives. God is in the slums, in the cardboard boxes where the poor play house. God is where the opportunity is lost and lives are shattered. God is with the mother who has infected her child with a virus that will take both their lives. God is under the rubble in the cries we hear during wartime. God, my friends, is with the poor and God is with us if we are with them.”

–Bono at the 2007 NAACP Image Awards

Check it out!

Do you have the Arrested Development blues? Maybe this will help ease your pain. Check out http://www.clarkandmichael.com/ to see George Michael Bluth (Michael Cera) as he and his friend try to make it as writers.

Here is a sample:

Bauerisms

Jack Bauerisms

Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.

If everyone on “24″ followed Jack Bauer’s instructions, it would be called “12″.

Nobody says ‘hit me’ when Jack Bauer deals Blackjack.

Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played by no man.

When Kim Bauer lost her virginity, Jack Bauer found it and put it back.

If you wake up in the morning, it’s because Jack Bauer spared your life.

Jack Bauer’s calender goes from March 31st to April 2nd, no one fools Jack Bauer.

Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas.

It’s no use crying over spilt milk … unless that was Jack Bauer’s milk. Oh, you are so screwed.

1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.

When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists. Jack Bauer hates lemonade.

If it tastes like chicken, looks like chicken, and feels like chicken, but Jack Bauer says its beef … then it’s beef.

Let’s get one thing straight - the only reason you are conscious right now is because Jack Bauer does not feel like carrying you.

Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.

On a high school math test, Jack Bauer put down “Violence” as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Jack Bauer solves all his problems with violence.

Jack Bauer doesn’t miss. If he didn’t hit you it’s because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.

If you’re holding a gun to Jack Bauer’s head, don’t count to three before you shoot. Count to 10. That way, you get to live 7 seconds longer.

Killing Jack Bauer doesn’t make him dead. It just makes him angry.

Every mathematical inequality officially ends with “

Jack Bauer removed the “Escape” button from his keyboard. Jack Bauer never needs to escape.

If Jack Bauer misspells a word, your dictionary is wrong.

When Google can’t find something, it asks Jack Bauer for help.

Superman’s only weakness is Kryptonite. Jack Bauer laughs at Superman for having a weakness.

When Jack Bauer was a child, he made his mother finish his vegetables.

Simon Says should be renamed to Jack Bauer Says because if Jack Bauer says something, then you better do it.

Jack Bauer’s favorite color is severe terror alert red. His second favorite color is violet, but just because it sounds like violent.

Jack Bauer killed 93 people in just 4 days time. Wait, that is a real fact.

When you open a can of whoop-ass, Jack Bauer jumps out.

It is a known fact that when Time magazine awards “The Man of Year*”, there is fine print on the bottom of the cover that says, ” *besides Jack Bauer.”

In 96 hours, Jack Bauer has killed 93 people and saved the world 4 times. What the heck have you done with your life?

Jack Bauer arm once wrestled Superman. The stipulations were the loser had to wear his underwear on the outside of his pants.

Finding Nemo would have been vastly more exciting had Jack Bauer been looking for him.

Jack Bauer can get McDonald’s breakfast after 10:30.

When the boogie man goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Jack Bauer.

Men are ok with their wives fantasizing about Jack Bauer during sex; because they are doing the same thing.

You can lead a horse to water. Jack Bauer can make him drink.

When Jack Bauer goes to the airport and the metal detector doesn’t go off, security gives him a gun.

Jack Bauer doesn’t play the game SORRY. Jack Bauer apologizes to no one.

Due to Jack Bauer, no one looks forward to the weekend anymore, they look forward to the weekend being over, and watching 24 on Monday.

What color is Jack Bauer’s blood? Trick question. Jack Bauer does not bleed.

In kindergarten, Jack Bauer killed a terrorist for Show and Tell.

There are three leading causes of death among terrorists. They are all Jack Bauer.

There is the right way, the wrong way, and the Jack Bauer way. It’s basically the right way, but faster with more deaths.

In poker, Jack Bauer doesn’t need to bluff. He looks at opponent, tells them to fold, and they do so. Always.

Dwight Schrute Quotes part 2

Dwight Schrute
Quote:
Michael: I have been Michael’s number two guy for about 5 years. And we make a great team. We’re like oen of those classic famous teams. He’s like Mozart and I’m like…Mozart’s friend. No. I’m like Butch Cassidy and Michael is like…Mozart. You try and hurt Mozart? You’re gonna get a bullet in your head courtesy of Butch Cassidy.
Season 2, Episode 3: “Office Olympics”

Quote:
Toby: Technically I am in human resources and Dwight was asking about human anatomy. I’m just sad the public school system failed him so badly.
Season 2, Episode 2: “Sexual Harassment”

Quote:
Michael: I have never slept with an employee, and believe me I could have.
Dwight: Yeah Meredith [points to Meredith]
Michael: No, no, Katherine. Remember her? Remember how hot she was? She would’ve definitely slept with me.
Kevin: She wasn’t that hot.
Michael: Yes she was…dammit Kevin, comon’ !!!
Season 2, Episode 2: “Sexual Harassment”

Quote:
Dwight: So the monkey does the sex thing right…here [strange monkey noises are heard from Dwight’s PC] [they laugh]
Michael: That’s funny. That’s funny. [looks at the camera] Not offensive, because it’s nature…educational.
tags: Michael Scott | Dwight Schrute | Season 2, Episode 2: “Sexual Harassment”

Quote:
Dwight: Welcome to the 8th annual Dundees awards. Before we start, a few announcements. Keep your acceptance speeches short. I have wrap-it-up music and I’m not afraid to use it.
Season 2, Episode 1: “The Dundees”

Quote:
Dwight: The purse-girl hits everything on my checklist. Creamy skin. Straight teeth. Curly hair. Amazing breasts. Not for me, for my children. The Schrutes produce very thirsty babies.
Season 1, Episode 6: “Hot Girl”

Quote:
Michael: Well, first what we have to do is find out what motivates people more than anything else.
Dwight: Sex.
Michael: That’s illegal. Can’t do that. Next best thing.
Dwight: Torture.
Season 1, Episode 6: “Hot Girl”

Quote:
Dwight: [taking shirt off] Ok, we’ll be skins!
Michael: Oh comon’ Dwight!
Dwight: What? On or off?
Michael: On!!!
Season 1, Episode 5: “Basketball”

Quote:
Dwight: Can I be team captain?
Michael: No, I am team captain.
Dwight: Can I be team manager?
Michael: No I am the team manager! You can be the assistant to the team manager.
Dwight: Assistant team manager?
Michael: No!
Dwight: Ok, we’ll see who’s working this weekend.
Michael: Jim, you’re in charge of the schedule now. Threat neutralized!
Season 1, Episode 5: “Basketball”

Quote:
Michael: Are we ready for the games? Oh yeah, I know grumble grumble. But you would follow me to the ends of the earth grumbling all the way like that dwarf from Lord of the Rings.
Dwight: Gimli…
Michael: Nerd. That is why you are not on the team.
Dwight: Just trying to be helpful.
Michael: Oh elven dragonslayer. Ten-point power sword.
Season 1, Episode 5: “Basketball”

Quote:
Dwight: So we need someone to work this Saturday. And I think that that should be Jim.
Jim: God this is so sad. This is the smallest amount of power I’ve ever seen go to someone’s head.
Season 1, Episode 5: “Basketball”

Quote:
Dwight: That’s why you have an assistant regional manager.
Michael: Yes it is…assistant to the regional manager.
Dwight: Same thing.
Michael: No it’s not, it’s lower.
Dwight: It’s close.
Season 1, Episode 5: “Basketball”

Quote:
Dwight: I’m a deer hunter. I go all the time with my dad. One thing about deer, they have very good vision. One thing about me…I am better at hiding than they are at vision.
Season 1, Episode 4: “The Alliance”

Quote:
Dwight: It’s a real shame because studies have shown that more information gets passed through water cooler gossip than through official memos. Which puts me at a disadvantage, because I bring my own water to work.

Back Street Boys are Back

Dwight Quotes

No Office tonight. Here are some Dwight quotes to get you through to next week (it is a mini-marathon of repeats).

Season 1

Pilot:

Dwight Shrute: Dammit, he put my stapler in Jell-O again!

Diversity Day:

Mr. Brown: At Diversity Today, we believe it’s very easy to be a hero. All you need are honesty, empathy, respect, and open-mindedness.
Dwight Schrute: Ah, excuse me? I’m sorry, but that’s not all it takes to be a hero.
Mr. Brown: Great, well, what is a hero to you?
Dwight Schrute: A hero kills people, people that wish him harm. A hero is part human and part supernatural. A hero is born out of a childhood trauma, or out of a disaster, that must be avenged.
Mr. Brown: Uh, you’re thinking of a superhero.
Dwight Schrute: We all have a hero in our heart.

Pam: [during a role-playing exercise] Okay, if I have to do this, based on stereotypes that are totally untrue, that I do not agree with, you would maybe..not be a very good driver.
Dwight Schrute: [role playing as an Asian] Aw, man! I’m a woman?

Health Care:

Dwight Schrute: In the wild, there is no health care. In the wild, health care is, ‘Ow, I hurt my leg. I can’t run. A lion eats me. I’m dead.’ Well, I’m not dead. I’m the lion. You’re dead.

Dwight Schrute: The problem, Jim, is that people who are really suffering from a medical condition won’t receive the care they need because someone in this office is coming up with ridiculous stuff. Count Choculitis….Why did you write that down, Jim? Is it because you know I love Count Chocula?

Dwight Schrute: Through concentration, I can raise and lower my cholesterol at will.
Pam: Why would you want to raise your cholesterol?
Dwight Schrute: So I can lower it.

Dwight Schrute: OK, first let’s go over some parameters. How many people can I fire?
Michael Scott: Uh, none. You’re picking a healthcare plan.

Dwight Schrute: Someone forged medical information, and that’s a felony.
Jim Halpert: OK, Whoa, alright ’cause that’s a pretty intense accusation. How do you know that they’re fake?
Dwight Schrute: [reading from a sheet] Uh, Leprosy, Flesh Eating Bacteria, Hot Dog Fingers, Government Created Killer Nano Robot Infection.

iRack

I know that there is a hidden message in here somewhere. I just can’t find it.

Slang

multislacking
Doing multiple slacker-esque things concurrently.
ex. I’m the king of multislacking. I spend hours a day surfing the ‘net, watching random TV shows, and eating week-old pizza.

Source-The Urban Dictionary